Round 25

Being an adult sometimes is a scary thing...I want to preface that I do not think I am some wise old man, but for real sometimes life hits you at the speed of a football player trucking down the field. You wearing no protective gear and the football player wearing all things that can put you in the hospital. I only make that reference because I think sometimes people forget that with age comes a shit ton of responsibility. Who knows maybe I am prepared for it and maybe I am not. Usually though I am not feeling prepared - which is why I visualize that football player coming at me.

I recently turned 25 years old! Woot Woot! (I can rent a car without an issue). The only thing is I have other issues as well. I have debt, I have anxiety, I get sad, I get lonely, I get unsure that I am doing the right thing for my life career. Sometimes i just feel so bogged down that I get scared of being older. I want to make it to the old age where all of my issues become the lessons for other young people that I meet. I cannot wait to bore some young dude with my back in the day stories and laugh while someone totes me around in my station wagon.

Unfortunately, that is not the case for many reasons and I try to work through them. Some I can control and then some I can’t. Because of some of the unfortunate circumstances I have had to learn things that will help substitute the issues that I am experiencing. Sometimes the problems are easy and sometimes they are just so large I cry when they appear in the room. I mean nobody likes the grim reaper hovering around - so I am sure his dear old cousin that are my issues can move the hell on as well.

I think I am coming to realize that age is less of the issue. The expectations are the ones knocking on my door asking me to step outside. The expectations asked me if I wanted to catch those hands, sometimes the answer is yes and then other times...not so much. While being in the ring with life’s issues is not fun - I stay in the ring. I keep fighting but sometimes I take a pause in the corner, conserving my energy. Because I know at some point I am going to stop being beat down. Hey - I might throw the first punch!

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you would know that it has become a place for me to express myself. It is conversation that I have alone but willing to share out with the world. Because one thing I have learned is that even though all experiences are not the same or even linear - at some point my words might be of worth to someone. Even though my anxiety might try to make me feel as though I am not worthy - I know that I am and I know that someone might find use in what I have said. This post was especially important for me today because I have been battling some deep thoughts about where I am currently in my life. I am aware that I have spent too much time comparing and contrasting my dreams as a child to now. I remind myself daily that those dreams can still happen, but damn there are those days when the self motivation just does not work.

Regardless of all the stuff that is my issues - I have to remember to stay in the ring.