I Learned Something...

My internship this summer was quite boring and not really useful for future plans in the student affairs world. I was not able to accomplish much during the summer because I was assigned to do things that were meant to keep me busy. The position that I interviewed for was not presented when i arrived on site to begin my summer adventure. It was a broken moment that led to me realizing things about myself and where I am currently in life. I met some wonderful people, but that did not necessarily transition into the role that I played within my internship office. The office environment was great until I started paying more attention to the details of those who worked on the site. I went through many phases quickly but efficiently as I had ample time during my work hours and when I was home alone in my room. I described my living space as a jail cell to people that I spoke with on a regular basis. Everyone thought that I meant the look of everything was horrible, but that was not it at all. I actually was put into one of the most sought after living areas on campus with private bath and complimentary wash. The jail feeling came from being in a place for an extended period of time that was not made to feel like home. My walls were completely white, I had no television, the bedding was just not my style, and my neighbors were not the nicest people. I immediately missed my space, my family, my coworkers, my RAs, my cohort, etc. It was the first time that I missed people I was really used to having around me and my introversion needed some extroversion to balance me out. I realized that I was not in a Res Life office because they would have had me doing everything under the sun with them during off time. I did not bring my car and so exploring was limited to walking up and down college ave and venturing over to the other places on campus. You can only visit a botanical garden so many times, but I sure did walk to target on a daily basis (multiple times on Saturday and Sunday). I had a moment of relief when my family visited, but that only lasted as long as the time they were here. Once they left - I was in this dark hole that nobody should experience during an internship. I spent time cooped in my room, in an office, in an area - with no room really to inhale and exhale comfortably. This dark hole was so tight around me and I felt it pulling at all my strings. I will say that the dark hole was only uncomfortable for a little while because it began to teach me things about myself.

1. During my internship it was the first moment when I thought to myself fully that Student Affairs was not meant for me at all. In the dark hole I thought about all the wrong things from my time in Iowa (academic and work wise). Once I combined those thoughts and feelings with the experience that I was given for the summer things went left. I really thought about how I could leave my internship and then contact Iowa and leave my assistantship and education program. Only thing that stopped me was that I knew everyone who I could have called for advice would have reached through the phone and slapped me out of the moment that I was having. (Mom, Dad, Keniese, Brooke, Daphne, etc.) - Thanks yall for being silent motivators. Hahaha! I was so sure and I had even packed on a Friday afternoon (although I am a cancer and dramatic, but I was super serious) and just said whatever things will work themselves out at some point. I stopped and just thought about the good and the bad realizing how even the bad in Student Affairs sometimes made me feel something different from actual bad things.

2. I fell into a deep black hole during my internship and I had to reflect it was the only way to figure things out. I began to focus in on myself during this dark hole moment and realized that I had so many goals before college that I put on hold. I wanted to accomplish things that were more fulfilling societal wise and I forgot about the things that made me overjoyed. I love to write and I love fashion (all aspects), but I never gave those things the attention they deserved. Partially one of the reasons I started the blog was so I could put my love for writing out into the world for people, while I also worked on plans to do other things that would fulfill me as a person. Without paying attention to these things it was easy for me to hate Student Affairs because I was not balanced and everything that was going wrong with Student Affairs meant that I was going wrong. I guess that is one of the many reasons why it is suggested that people find friends and hobbies outside of work. I made my life revolve around something that was not fully me and it had a negative effect. Hopefully I learned my lesson!

3. I erased my internship site from my list of possible places for employment in the future because things just went south really fast and I could not handle that. But realizing where that darkness came from and who was involved help me to realize that not an entire place should be shunned because a bad experience in one small area of the university. I have met many great people here and although I was not able to fully network with them and other departments I would entertain the idea again. I will surely miss the people that I met who were of impact to me and wish nothing best for everyone here. Without this summer maybe I would not have realized how much I was drowning myself with one thing. Maybe I would have realized but during my time back at Iowa. I am not sure, but it happened and it has planted new things within me.

Just to be clear - although I was able to find something during my time here that propelled me into a new place...I want to make it clear that my internship site failed. They failed to do the necessary things for someone because they were not prepared. They were unorganized, petty, unprofessional, etc. As a whole this office needs a major renovation staff wise. Some people know where I am for my internship, but some don’t and I am unsure about revealing who I worked for this summer for professional reasons. I hope my conversation with them at the end of the summer will help spark some new beginnings so that the next person who comes in does not have the experience that I did while here for the summer.

Thanks to those who listened to my struggles this summer:

Mom Dad Daphne Brooke Keniese Claudia Pamela Elizabeth Quran Dominique

Adrienne Dusty Adreanne Candace Jessica Shelby Adria JWatts Becky -

Multiple others who received general Snapchat rants that were sent to certain people and sent words of encouragement.

Y’all the real MVPs