Whether the World is Fiction or Not

My phone annoyingly wakes me from my slumber. I stretch my hands to the high white ceiling, sitting into a position of ugh. Breathing in and out ready to tackle the long day that is ahead of me. I jump from my lofted bed to the hard floor, sometimes landing as if I am still drunk from the Thursday night debauchery. I grab my phone checking snapchat and Facebook laughing uncontrollably. Making my way to the bathroom with my possessions I click on the Bluetooth to play my morning anthems. Jamming out to “Needed Me”, “Love on the Brain”, “Fade”, and many more I find myself appreciating the day. I move slowly into the kitchen as the sun continually progresses into the sky, and I eat my oatmeal and peanut butter.

Now that the sun has risen and I am no longer alone, the world goes from hushed to roaring. Before 11 O’clock can strike my day has went from great to blah. I am now surrounded by the hate everyone consumes. Is it going to gather around me today and win? I am fighting to stay above the disdain…the disdain that allows for insecurity and loathing thoughts. I cry out every day hoping for some sense of acceptance from my peers, and less hate because they decided my outfit choice or sentence structure was unsettling. I wonder sometimes if my progression sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher or if my thoughts just fall to deaf ears. MY OWN THOUGHTS TRANSITION AS…I hear that countless number of lives were lost today. It does not matter if those lives were lost to homicide or suicide. All that matters is someone has died because of hate. As the day goes on the roaring gets louder, loud enough to the point I fall into a corner pulling my legs in and covering my ears. I rock back and forth as if somehow I will disappear from the human race. Scratching my arms and pulling my hair the clock starts to wind down.

The cool breeze settles as the sun has left us and the dark skies and stars have arrived. I walk into my apartment separated from this world of unexplained hate, and I sink into the couch. I let out deep breathes and pull out my phone. Scrolling pass the day to find something positive to end the night on. I respond to a few messages and Snapchat some of my best friends. At that very moment I realize that the world is only temporary and I am free to dismiss it and the negative attachments as I fall into my own place of solitude. I grab my chicken and Brussel sprouts,, contemplate whether the day is beer, wine, or hard liquor worthy. I skip it all and settle for my apple juice.